grammar - Noun order: "He and we..." or "We and he..."? Similarly, "...him and us" or "...us and him"?

It's convention and polite to always list yourself last in a list. I say "John and I went to the store" and not "I and John went to the store."

So does that mean that I should always list myself last, even in the case when the pronoun that represents me is first person, plural (i.e. "us" or "we")? In my case, I'm writing a recommendation letter about my experience on a team with "John," who is the highlight of the letter. I hit a point where I was about to write something similar to:

John and we got a lot of experience working on the project.

or

That project's experience really benefited John and us.

Clearly, he is mentally separated from the others of us who were on the team, at least in this context, so I was just wondering if there were some grammatical conventions to govern this situation.

Answer

I love this kind of question.

There are a whole bunch of conventions of formal English that were imported from Latin and really don't sit well in their new home. The usual justifications ("Don't say, 'me and my dog' because it's rude to put yourself before your dog.") are just that: post hoc justifications. As soon as you try to apply them elsewhere, the cracks start to show.

As for your problem, I see four reasonable solutions:

Solution 1: Chicken out by rephrasing.

When John joined our team, which I will call the combined team, we ...

The experience really benefited the combined team.

Solution 2: Grit your teeth and use John and we.

Solution 3: Burst the shackles of Latin-crazed prescriptivism. Seize your birthright as a true native-born speaker of English, and write naturally.

If you can't remember what natural is any more, imagine you were describing the situation to one of your old school pals. Here's how I'd say it:

The whole lot of us got loads of experience....

Solution 4: Mix it up. Switch between formal and informal, just because you can. Use the formal register for questions, and informal for answers. Hey, we're all Post-Modernists now, right? And nobody complains when The Economist does it.

The choice is yours. Just remember that, whatever you do, somebody will judge you for it....