conjunctions - "Medicine is good when your family gives it to you not when your friend gives you one or when you take it by yourself"

I am editing a 5th grade paper. He has autism as well as some learning difficulties. He wrote:

Medicine is good when your family gives it to you not when your friend gives you one or when you take it by yourself.

This is how I think I would edit it:

Medicine is good if your family gives it to you, but not if your friend gives it to you, or if you take it by yourself.

It still sounds kind of strange. Is this sentence correct? If not, how could he rewrite it so that it makes sense (still using similar wording).

I know the sentence isn't very sophisticated. I realize that just because someone is a family member, doesn't mean that they are responsible to make such a decision. However, this child understands things in a very basic manner. I don't want to intervene too much as the response is supposed to be in his perspective (What he learned from DARE). I just want to make sure that I edit it correctly.